The Case Against Mondays

I believe there is a time human history when we have to step up and make radical changes. No one in the history of man kind has ever liked Mondays, and it is our duty to change things for the better when we are fed up with the way things are. That is why I propose that we eliminate Mondays once and for all.

The Facts:
-Depression is most often caused because of a genetic flaw. That genetic flaw is Monday.
-Stress levels are highest due to increased cortisol levels, which coincidentally peak on Monday mornings.
-Statistics show that over the course of 10,000 years, it would be raining or cloudy on approximately 50% of those Mondays, making it seem even more depressing.
-Fatigue can be more dangerous than alcohol, which makes driving on Mondays that much more perilous.
-Symptoms of sickness are scientifically shown to be the worst in the early morning hours, specifically on Mondays.
-Mondays are a terrible way to spend one seventh of your life.
-REM sleep is essential for the brain, brain development, categorizing of memories, and reseting the body clock, making it particularly bad when your alarm clock wakes you up on Monday morning.
-Suicide rates are highest on Mondays.
-Suicide rates are higher in the western states than in Eastern and Midwestern states. Because they are on different time zones, they see people suffering on Mondays and decide that they do not want the same fate.

The Benefits:
-No more Mondays
-Four day work week
-No more tests or quizzes on Mondays
-A year would only be 312 days long, increasing the holiday-to-normal-day ratio
-A day could have 30 hours in it, imagine all that extra sleep time!
-No stress from a daunting week ahead

In conclusion, I believe that it is time people realize the terrible conditions we live in. Just because we have had Mondays since Roman times doesn't mean it's a good idea. Romans liked to watch people kill each other, so why, then, would we base our calendar around their barbaric ideas? Some of the people who read this will say: "Umm, I'm not sure your facts are right." So to those people, "the information police" out there, I say, "Just like when we have to draw conclusions in social studies, I am drawing conclusions about Mondays from the data that I was given---0r rather, thought of. I'm not saying I'm the most smart person. I'm just surprised no one thought of this before.


Did you catch my error in the second to last sentence? Featured Site: Darth Vader's New Toy