Shark Attacks

Recent floods in northwest Indiana and the world have proven to me one fact: The shark invasion has begun!!!!!!! It is obvious to me that the cause of rising sea levels world wide is not caused by the melting of the earth's ice caps and global warming, but by the sharks of the world trying to seize control of the planet. They have somehow gained control of our planet's climate and weather patterns and are changing them. That way the water levels throughout the world will rise and then the can strike down human kind once and for all.

How to Avoid a Shark Attack (as provided by this article):
Never swim alone-- Sharks are like snipers. They love to pick off one or two humans here or there. The ones that get separated from the group.
Do not swim where sharks are known to be-- i.e. the ocean.
Do not swim in dirty water-- Sharks prefer the disgusting muddy water because they are nothing but filth themselves.
Do not swim at night-- Sharks hate light, along with all other things good and holy.
Refrain from excessive splashing--Sharks love to disrupt our normal activities. They know the only way to do that is attack people who are having fun.

Do not swim near people who are fishing or spear fishing— Because seeing someone spear fishing is a common thing at the beach.

What To Do If You Are Attacked:
PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!-- Go ahead. After all, you are being attacked by a shark.
Kill it-- You are fighting for your life, you might as well take it with you, because let's face it, sharks don't leave survivors.
Hit it on the snout-- I've heard this helps. Behind those three rows of teeth is just a big fish, and all fish are pussies.
Seek medical attention-- Sure, you're dead, but maybe you aren't. That's one thing humans have: A spirit that over comes.

Facts About Sharks:
They are Godless killing machines.
They hate you.
They have formed an alliance with Nazis and terrorists and are plotting to take over the world.
They caused the extinction of the dinosaurs.
They personally trained the Stingray Assassin that killed Steve Irwin.
They leap from the ocean and eat ships and planes in the Bermuda Triangle.
They have formed an alliance with seals to eat those adorable penguins.

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