Sunburns and Alien Abductions

I have red hair, and I get sunburned after about twenty minutes of being in the sun. I do not tan. I do not pass go. I do not collect two hundred dollars. I go directly to burn. I burn easier than the Hindenburg. And I guess the big question about sunburn is:

WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!

You'd think that somewhere along the evolutionary line, monkeys would develop skin that isn't allergic to the most common source of light on the planet. I can see getting burned by lava. Lava is hot. But the sun? Come on.

As for aliens, I don't buy it. The universe contains an infinite amount of galaxies, and each galaxy contains billions of stars. So the chances are high that somewhere in the universe there is intelligent life. But the distances are just too big. The closest star to us is something like five light years away. Let's think about that for a second. Traveling at the speed of light, it would take five years to get to that star. That doesn’t sound that far. But it’s actually like 24,000,000,000,000 miles away.

Okay, so let's say that aliens somehow figured out how to get to our planet in a reasonable amount of time. So naturally they come to our planet to kidnap people and zip them around the solar system a few times and then drop them back home. Ummm, no offense, but I bet they have better things to do than give us rides in their space ships especially since they‘ve probably traveled well over one mole of miles to come and find us.

Also, I don't see how a flying saucer can hover at tree top level, pick people up with a giant blue light, and not be seen by the neighbors. That's not safe. If your neighbors don't see an alien spacecraft, they will definitely not see burglars breaking into your house while you're on vacation.

But in the very unlikely chance that you are abducted by aliens against your will, my advice to you is: Go for the eyes. You can't assume that the alien has any other sensitive spots. Aliens apparently have very large eyes, so you probably can't miss.