Male Hand Washers

I've been noticing something. And I've been noticing it in bathrooms. And this thing is hand washing. Just so everyone knows, and I'm going to put it out there, not all guys wash their hands every time after they use the bathroom. Why should we? I mean, we only touched ourselves, and we've touched that before and not gotten a disease because we didn't wash our hands. I don’t know if girls do every time, I’ve never gone into a girls bathroom when there were actually girls in there. I just figured the bathroom would be booby trapped (no pun intended) with some mine that senses the Y chromosome, and then detonates. So now that it is on the table I'd like to tell you about some of the hand washing techniques that males have mastered:

1. The Hardcore Handwasher: This is a select group of guys who wash their hands every time they go to the bathroom. These guys wash their hands even if they didn't go to the bathroom. These guys wash their hands even if they just pass a bathroom on their way to a destination. Do not be afraid to shake these men’s hands because not only do you almost never see them, but they also have only 8 germs on their hands at any given time.

2. The Sometimes Handwasher: These males wash their hands only if they feel compelled to do so. They are attracted to the sinks by some instinctive force probably some feeling left over from our days as cavemen. I am a Sometimes Handwasher. As are most males. Germs on their hands at any given time: 2,500.

3. The Hesitant Handwasher: These are the guys that succumb to peer pressure. If a Hesitant Handwasher sees another guy washing his hands, he feels obligated to wash his hands, so he does not look like an unclean fool by just walking out. Walking out while someone is washing their hands makes him feel inferior to he that is washing his hands. If no one is washing their hands, however, the Hesitant Handwasher will walk out with dirty hands and a clean conscience. Germs on their hands at any given time: 5,000.

4. The Rinser: This is a guy who only rinses his hands. Lathering up soap takes too much time and, therefore, is deemed useless. Everything about him looks as though he washed his hands when he exits the bathroom because he is wiping his hands on his pants just like any other hand washer. But, his hands still have all the germs that he started with plus the germs he picked up by touching the handle on the toilet. Germs on his hands at any given time: 10,000.

5. The Non-washer: He will never wash his hands no matter how dirty his hands are or how many people are washing their hands. Washing hands takes to much time and effort for these guys. His primary mission is to get out of the bathroom as fast as possible. Generally, these are the same guys who do not flush the toilet, which is very gross and irritating. Germs on his hands at any given time: 20,000+.

Which one are you?