Small Dogs That Bark and What To Do If You Are ON NOTICE

I was walking home from school and a dog was barking at me. This dog was tiny, like one of those dogs in the taco bell commercials a while back. These are my least favorite types of dogs because I could punt them off a bridge, and there is nothing it could do but it still barks and barks and barks. In the real world, a little guy like me doesn't pick a fight with a big guy like Jon Sibo. That would just be retarded. But dogs seem to think that this is perfectly acceptable behavior. Their bark in annoyingly high pitched and they never shut up. I just want to ask the cavemen who first domesticated dogs if this is what they intended. I’m really surprised someone didn’t step in and say, “Hey, these dogs are getting a little small and annoying.”

If a dog is not bigger than a football, it isn't a dog. I'm not sure what they would be considered if they weren't dogs, maybe squirrels, maybe chipmunks, but all of these dogs should be rounded up and sent to Canada. They seem to like small things up there. Americans like big things. Bigger cars, bigger buildings, bigger fries. And yet, people still have tiny dogs. Americans need dogs that can carry off and eat small children.

One other thing, as you all know, Kyle Hittenger is #5 on the February ON NOTICE list. You see, when you get put ON NOTICE, bad things start happening. He was always a big dweeb in band, always was mean to me because I'm a sophomore, and I kicked his hynie in band auditions. Anyway, if you get put ON NOTICE, you do not under any circumstances continue doing what you have been doing all along. You do not continue doing the things that got you put ON NOTICE because people keep their eye on you when you are ON NOTICE. Mr. Pritchett had obviously read my ON NOTICE list because today he and Kyle got in a big fight because I beat him for first chair and now Kyle is no longer in band. I warned him; I put him ON NOTICE, but he didn't listen to me. People should heed my warnings.

So the moral of the story is, if you get put ON NOTICE, stay calm, think clearly, and do the following things:
1. Stop annoying me and/or stop being mean to me.
2. Give me a large sum of money.
If you do these things, you will be off the list as before you can say "One month has to go by before I make a new list, so you will have to tough it out unless it is special circumstances."

But because I think Kyle has received more than his share of punishments, and because I think I have proved myself as the victor, and because I show humility to the vanquished, I am taking him off the ON NOTICE list and replacing him with sand.